A strange thing happens when you’re a parent.
You find yourself saying the most unimaginably crazy things.
“No one shall use the phrase ‘Your mom’ as a snarky retort.”
(i.e. ‘oh yeah? your MOM hasn’t done her homework’)
“No one shall use that little-kid-teasing-somebody ‘na na na na naaah na’ tune for anything, ever.”
“No giving wedgies to anyone outside the family.”
“No using spaghetti as a weapon.”
Sigh.
Anyone have any crazy rules to add?
Kim Bontrager 
We have so many rules at the table. Once, we offered to pay our kids 50 cents every time they made it through a meal without spilling, farting, burping or saying “throw up.” We gave up all hope after three months of not paying a dime.
I’m glad you made the rules about the wedgies. Jonathon would not leave me alone.
No dipping the water cup in the toilet.
Please label the science experiment on the table so I don’t eat it.
Thou shalt not use my toothbrush for dog grooming.
No screeching or howling at the table.
Those are just the ones from this past week.
I laughed at the “outside the family” qualifier in the wedgie rule. There has to be an interesting story there…
Yeah… basically I think there might be a parent in the family who wanted to reserve the right.
Don’t laugh; just smile.
“No punching of private regions anytime, anywhere”
“The big HD TV in the basement is NOT a coloring board”
“The yellow content in that milk carton is not juice, it’s stop bath for the darkroom… DO NOT DRINK”
ha! wouldn’t it be cool if they made HD TV’s that are also coloring boards?
They’re not far off… Crayon & Marker cleans up pretty quickly :)
Ohhh, these are good. Yes, I do have a few to add.
~Sleeping bags are not magic carpets. No sliding down the basement stairs with them.
~No taking my kitchen tools to use for band rehearsal OR to build Lego villages.
~”Sorry, Mom, that was a ripper” is not the same as, “I apologize for passing gas at the table.”
Parenting is a never-ending ride down an uncharted course. :)
I really have to hear the kitchen tools and band rehearsal story… :)
“No sucking on my elbow!” true story.
hilarious. amazing how SPECIFIC rules have to be sometimes.
Pants on before leaving the house.
Wise words to live by.