musings and milestones

Nine years ago I became a mom. A precious baby girl made it happen. That same girl said just today that (1) I am the best mom ever, and (2) I am ruining her life. These were two different conversations separated by at least 7 minutes as we were preparing for her birthday party. I remember people saying that when you have kids, it changes your entire life. And I remember thinking that was an obvious statement. Then I remember realizing, during the newborn stage, that what was meant by ‘entire life’ was that I would never again get to choose when to take a shower. Or what movies to watch. One of the first movies we rented After Becoming Parents was a great mystery thriller of some sort. I remember watching that movie, holding this tiny baby, and being completely blindsided by disgust at a story filled with human vileness and deceit. How were we ever going to protect this baby from a world like that?

We decided awhile ago that we weren’t going to fall into parenting based on fear….we weren’t going to be hypervigilant in our efforts to maintain a perfectly sterile kid environment. This, of course, can either be a real desire, or a rationalization for lazy permissiveness. We at least aim for the former. It’s a tricky balance, made more complex by the fact that it turns out we are not the only people in the world raising kids. We are often confronted with families who live under different values than us, to either extreme.

This baby girl grew up a bit, and we noticed, with the dawn of speech, that we were dealing with an extremely strong personality. Being overprotective was no longer even an option; we moved into full running-to-stay-ahead-so-as-to-occasionally-be-pro-active-rather-
than-reactive mode. And then a while ago, a realization dawned: we are raising a warrior. It’s in her nature to fight….not just randomly, but to go after what she believes to be true. She is unafraid to run headlong into new pursuits. She is fiercely competitive, keenly aware of 3rd grade injustice, and capable of both causing and receiving harm! This is a soul that must be filled with truth and beauty, so as to be reminded of the things that are right to fight for. Instead of protecting a dainty petite-flower, we are forever re-directing the instinct to fight. This perspective helps me understand how to lead her and build her up. It also helps me understand why, tonight, while watching The Chronicles of Narnia with her friends, she shouted out “that’s my favorite part! I LOVE that!” when Aslan let loose with the giant roar after coming back to life. It’s the ultimate battle cry, one that proclaims fully the knowledge of victory already won.

Thus the journey so far. Someday, life circumstances will unfold that call for a woman to fight for something. And we will have the chance to breathe out the blessing, ‘who knows but that you have been created for such a time as this’.